Saturday, 30 June 2012

Health Conditions

I had a dream I had a kidney transplant
I was laying on a stretcher; blue gown and no pants
TMI? My bad. But the other thing I lacked
Was emotion. It seems that my tears were pushed back

Now reality sets. In the present day I’m facing
Two different scenarios. This choice I hate making;
Continue dialysis and live like this
Or do I sign my John Hancock on the list?


You see I’m tryna live a life that’s close to normal
One day deliver the news, lookin’ formal
It’s horrible but man the main reason that I’m in this
Is cause the meds from my last transplant finished

My kidneys. It’s nothing that I did B
So what’s to say the new meds won’t come attack me?
I mean I got this lupus that they haven’t found a cure for yet
Some days I’m livin’ good, some days I’m outta breath

All the health conditions are keeping me on the sidelines
And staying strong and getting by is such a fine line
The ones around you always wanna see you smilin’
When sometimes you just wanna be alone on an island

And let the seas take away the pain that you bare
You ask the Lord, “WHY IS THIS LIFE SO UNFAIR?!”
My eyes keep filling up with salty fluids
Right now all I can do is get used to it

All these hospital visits for the common flu
Affects me for weeks but just a few days for you
That’s true. My last virus lasted a month
Was clutching my belly like I had a baby bump

You can Laugh at My Pain, but this ain’t Kevin Hart
I’m forever a Guinea Pig. Where should I start?
I’m the ONLY person in the world living a life
With lupus and a heart transplant, which means I

Am the lab rat. The hospital’s ‘Product Tester’
I hope these future generations appreciate my gesture
Cause when I’m feeling sick with low blood pressure
I’m trapped inside my room and I can’t be pestered

I’m off topic, we were talkin’ bout organs
Right now they’re keeping me from worldwide touring
I was supposed to do LA this summer
Partake in the Transplant Games as a runner

Visit my Ontario fam with my Mother
Instead my health is holding me back; what a bummer
If I hear another person tell me once more,
“Your health comes first!” I SWEAR I’ll push em to the floor

Do you think that I’m stupid? Do you think I’m a fool?
This kidney failure made me miss my last year of school
There’s another graduating class I’ll never get to walk with
“You can always go back!” Eh, shut up with your talkin’

If I wanted advice, I would’ve asked
So please stop acting like you know about my past
If I’m listed and I get the call
Then I’m back where I started, no school in the fall

I’ll be working on my fitness doing rehab daily
Checkups and biopsy’s to delay me
Painkillers that’ll make me all hazy
On top of all my other stuff? That’s crazy

How the hell am I supposed to move ahead
When my future shows me standing in one place instead?
That’s the Mazankowski if you’re just tuning in
The Heart Institute that they built here in Edmonton

As I get older the age gap gets thin
It’s awkward when these nurses ask to see my bare skin
They know your friends cause they went to school with them
I’d rather deal with people with no relation

They keep saying, “Don’t give up hope!”
Who started the rumour I was giving up? NOPE.
Listen I’m allowed to have a bad day now and then
Lemme wallow in my sorrow for a while my friend

I’m coming out with new scars and water weight
I’m complicated. No wonder I can’t find a mate
Big portions; there’s too much on my plate
That’s an issue for another late night debate

I’m done for now, I think you get my position
It’s 5am, my thoughts were trapped in this prison
I’m thinking too much, but these thoughts have been written
So you can know the things in my life I’ve been missin’

I’ve already told my fam that they can forget
About donating a kidney, no that isn’t a step
That I’m willing to take. No we’ve suffered enough
Did you think I’d have them suffer the exact same stuff?

I love em too much. I don’t care if we match
I’ll be happy knowing that they didn’t have to get patched
And stitched up and sewn. I’ll leave your bodies alone.
This is just another step I gotta take on my own.


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